festering quill


A big word

full of seeing, observing

knowing and catching

I became aware while reading


a set of words that are stuck in me ….festering

“I would say, I am sorry, if I

thought you would believe me”

SO WHAT! your not sorry then?

and you think I wont believe you

so, I am some mass hoarder of non believing

I wonder, is that my track record?

or is that your sin?

I’m sorry “IF” …if …if…if….if what

so you would say sorry if you thought….

SOUNDS like a YOU issue

but here it is AS MINE ….stuck in me like a festering quill

Somehow you managed to turn your wrongdoing

into an assassination of my character

and sadly because IT IS HERE STILL FESTERING…


How is that, I ask myself? by believing the lie

and not trusting that what GOD says about me is true

and letting the lie grow in me ….festering.

oh this happened a while ago and life has gone on since then

God help me,  forgive me for believing the lie!

It hurt me… angered me

created in me a sense of helplessness and hopelessness

created yet another moment where I believe

some people will never change

making me protect myself by being stand-offish

distant and barely there when together

I don’t trust and at times I fear

thinking if I say much I am overbearing and annoying

this disconnection is disconcerting

I am upset and hurting



Help me to remember Your truth about me.




People will sin against us but we don’t have to

believe about ourselves, what they give as their reason and

justifications of their sin. An aspect of grace is remembering

that they are struggling with the sin just as much as we are!

…even if we can not see it.

If true forgiveness and  reconciliation hasn’t happened

we are all still struggling…


7 thoughts on “festering quill

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  1. This is a testimony that God can use anything to speak to someone to reveal truth. I love how that simple phrase opened a window in your mind that set you free of the lies you believed. God is so committed to our healthiness and this is a perfect example.


  2. Oh. God bless, Starla. Of course you don’t have to allow anyone at all to speak into your life. Especially if what (s)he has to say is contrary to what you know to be God’s truth. Sometimes you just have to shake the dust off your feet and move on. Your passion tells me, though, that this is someone about whom you really care. Saying a little prayer, right now, for reconciliation…or at least peace.


  3. Keep focusing on the one who made you and loves you. And may He bring healing, peace and freedom to you. Your honest cry of the heart touches me deeply. Hope to see you again at emilys for IP.bless you sweet one for bringing your honest and authentic voice, your cry of the heart. Sending blessings to you.


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