My testimony

By all rights and worldly standards, I should be a mess, and I am, just not like I thought. I am a Jesus girl who gave it all to Him to survive the madness kind of mess! This is my should have ended me, made me crawl into a hole, never show my face again, insecure, troubled girl baggage story. My parents split up when I was 10 – love issues. After my parents split up, I had a hard time understanding why my dad treated me the way he did. I snooped and searched for clues, letters, or something. I found a false bottom in a drawer with my passport and birth certificate I had never seen before. I was 13. On this birth certificate was a name that I did not recognize. My dad was not my dad. – insecurity issues.

To this very day, I still don’t know who my real father is. – rejection issues.

When I was 16, I was held at knifepoint in my room by an unknown assailant. When I screamed after I had figured out he was going to take me out of my house. He ran. – fear issues.

The results: I developed mental, emotional, and identity issues – and to cope I chose sex, drugs, and manipulation to feel loved, safe and worthy.

Then Grace came: At age 18, I began to inquire within my heart & mind about this God who people said was real. I began to ask the question, “God, are you real?” I figured, what could it hurt? I had already messed up my life doing it all on my own away. So, why not try God?

God drew me to Iowa (lured me with one of the few people I have always known loved me) when my sister called me. She had moved to Iowa and was going to have a baby, so I came out from California. I hopped on a bus with 20 bucks to my name in search of a new life. 

I woke up one morning 2 weeks later and had a deep desire to go to church. I got dressed, walked a couple of blocks to a little church that was down the road. I sat in the back and prayed. I prayed the best I knew how, which was not very good, but I knew I had to try. I was looking for love. I asked God for a man who would love me for me and never leave me. Thankfully, God knew how impatient I was to get my way back then, and I had met my husband later that very same day. Something deep in my soul knew when I saw him that he was the one. I found out that he was a Jesus guy who was busy doing his own thing! He had grown up in the church but was currently out of the loop. 

That was June 22, 1997. In June the summer of 1998, I was 2 months shy of giving birth to my daughter. It was then that I would call out to God again. I was scared and worried that I would somehow mess this little girl up. I began to pray the best I knew how and again, I prayed, “God, I don’t want the life I had experienced for my child, help me to be a good mom!

Later that same week, I saw a TV commercial for a free book about Jesus. I called, and the book came a week later. I found the bible that was given to me by a sweet lady one Christmas back in California. I read along in the book and looked up the verses. Later I would learn these verses were called the Romans Road. I remember reading this verse in Romans 10:9 “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” I sat back and said out loud, “ IT’S THAT EASY!?” and I heard God say for the first time say, “Yes.” I took a deep breath, and I believed what the word of God said that day. I prayed for Jesus to come into my heart and be my Lord and Savior!

Am I a mess??? Sure I am!!

But I am ok and on my way!

I AM FULLY LOVED, WHOLLY ACCEPTED, SECURE IN MY FATHERS HANDS, AND SAFE IN HIS ARMS.

I still battle fear, fight to feel secure, at times feel rejected, and long to be love, but I know where to go when I feel this way. The fear and insecurity that try to hold me crumble before God’s word.

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed— 10 always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

Sure living life is still hard, and I will suffer as I live it, but He has overcome it all for me! I choose to be Fearless, Faithful, Always Moving Forward. I pray that the MOSAIC of my LIFE will give Glory to God to whom it is due!!!

Starla Smith

13 Comments Add yours

  1. Starla says:

    Hello. .how wild istgat!!

    Like

  2. Starla Smith says:

    Hi I’m starla Smith and I’m 20 years old. And I recently stumbled across your book when I randomly searched (our name) up on Amazon and found it lol. Its amazed me how similar your story is to mine (so far) and it’s truly a blessing. I would love to talk more. If you could email me that would be great!!

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  3. vimax says:

    Just wanted to say your Blog is in my rss you got a way with words.. Cheers,
    xyxytodwhy.2011

    Like

  4. starla says:

    lol..oh so glad that I tagged : IOWA
    Thank you for stopping by here…
    yes I married a iowan boy :0)

    Like

  5. DM says:

    Came across your blog via your tag of “Iowa” I’m also a believer…(besides being a blogger and have strong ties w/ Germany. Loved your story of how you and your husband met.

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  6. starla says:

    Nice to meet you!!

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  7. ReadersHeaven says:

    Hi, nice to meet you !

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  8. starla says:

    YES…Glory to God is right!!! Thanks for checking out this here blog!! :0) So glad that I can share with you.

    Like

  9. Lauren Walker Battaglia says:

    All glory be to God…only the mistakes have been mine. You are on a very enriching path. Finding peace and acceptance of who you really are is the most important thing you can pursue in life. Once you have your own inner peace it will radiate out to all those you touch.

    Like

  10. starla says:

    Hi…thanks for stopping by here. Thank you. :0)

    Like

  11. jenvaldez says:

    Hi Starla! We used to go to school together and I just started looking up some old friends and found you. WOW! What a great life you have made for yourself. I always new you’d do good :o) I am raising two daughters and trying really hard to leave my life path up to Him and to make a happy life for me and my girls. I want to order your book and hope that you will have some words of wisdom for me ;o) Take care and I hope to hear from you soon. Jen

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  12. starla says:

    Thank you Jill for coming over and stoppin’ by!!! :0)
    Thank you for your encouaging words I really appreciate it. It truely is my hearts desire to see God do great things in peoples lives and being able to share what He has done in me only gives Him all the glory …more of HIm…more to Him!!!

    Like

  13. Jill says:

    Hi Starla,
    I came over via the Rise and Shine blog and have enjoyed my visit!!! Thank you so much for sharing your words on the blog and putting your heart on paper (here and your book)! God will use these words, your stories, YOU to touch others! Blessings to you!! I hope to see you in Oct.!! In Him, Jill

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