Today I am thinking about these posts over the last few weeks on here.
Like CHICKEN …
I wrote it because I am finding myself playing chicken games.
Either my feathers are getting ruffled over the littlest things or I am chicken to deal with reality the way that it is and I really just want to run and hide from the issues and situations in my life or at least control the issues and their affects. ( LIKE I CAN REALLY DO THAT!! )
and the post called CRACKED…
It’s about the flaws I find in myself that I don’t want to show….and yet I want to be who I am, be real, show forth the amazingness God has done in me.
Why do I want to hide?
Why do I have a shame about my scars….when I have been redeemed?
and then the post called IT’s A HEART THING….
All about wanting to do the right thing and not speak forth negativity or angry words and yet trying to find the balance between that and not becoming silent is hard.
I am finding that when I don’t say what I feel about situations they lodge themselves in me and fester but then I fear to bring them up ( I feel tortured by it) because I don’t want to be someone who brings up the past to others when they think its over (they moved on, see no problem) -because I didn’t say anything. BUT then I am silent and say nothing and leave my friends and family wondering what is wrong because basically I am ignoring them. ALL BECAUSE I HAVENT FIGURED OUT HOW TO STOP IGNORING THE ISSUE, STUFF IT, or DEAL WITH IT!
I feel STUCK!
I think I just need to say it as nicely as possible how I feel in the moment and deal with it!! What do you think?
and this post THAT’S THE POINT? …
About learning how to stop complicating everything through submission because its all pretty simple ….. BE HONEST, OPEN, LOVING….Live Truth, Eat Truth, Breath Truth…
All the highways and byways of the mind and heart….confusing at times. All the trying’s and workings of “I want to Do the Right thing!?”
Look! – most days I don’t feel like I am doing any of it right…but I know that He is teaching me. I am a mess ….and hopefully He turns it into a message because only He can.
I know who my Lord is.
I know I am greatly loved by Him.
I know who I am in Christ.
and yet…. it is dealings with other people…or is it dealing with me I don’t know how to fix. Lord I can’t do it. But You can….
So I ask for grace to be patient with myself
( don’t you just want to get over your trip ups all ready!!) I do!
oh and this verse gets me every time:
2 Cor. 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
I trust that you are directing my path, teaching me, help me to learn the lessons, even when I don’t feel like I am.
Maybe its not so much how many times you feel like you have been around the same mountain, but about how honest you are willing to be through it and what you glean as you walk through.
Are lessons in layers?? I think so… kind of like elementary school – you don’t get it all in one year…you slowly climb the education ladder..building on each step before.
Something to think about !
May my weakness show forth His power!
( just as I was finishing this post this song came on …just in time …and I sat worshipping this God of mine! I will walk through ..if you want me too)