Ever have a couple of days where you feel like ” Does anyone GET IT!!??”

Maybe its a woman thing, a hormone thing, an introvert thing, a ME thing….

The last couple of days have been a bit well lets say stressful. The terrible thing is the realization it is JUST a ME thing!

or should I say ITS JUST HAPPENING TO ME…

ok so let me get to the point….believe me I could go on and on trying to describe what I am feeling like but I will spare you. (your welcome :0)

First of all, one of my New Years goals (# 5) for the year is to WAKE UP & BE PRESENT. So I have been paying attention to myself in situations and I am learning new things about me I hadn’t noticed before. While I am typing I am noticing that I am breaking goal #2 (let go of the past …lol) Well maybe this is my way of getting through so I can get on with it already. Ok back to being present….

Change is disruptive to me …..
I am not a go with the flow kind of person ( I didnt know that about me :0/.. Apparently I tend to block how I feel and just deal with it.) But being present has caused a awareness to what is true. I have found that when change happens suddenly my mind goes on a frenzy and it stresses me out to the point that in order to adjust to the new way of things I must shut down and reboot then reorder how I will do things to fit the new circumstances.

Unforeseen Circumstances and Inconveniences make me angry….
Not being prepared for everything makes me angry. ( Am I alone in these realizations??) The other night while at worship practice we were learning a new song. ( CHANGE ) Everyone’s doing their best to play their part when I hear this little voice calling from the aisle ” mommy I gotta go poooooop!! ” I am potty training and that is not easy either. So I take my little man into the restroom and low and behold there is poop in his pants. I begin to take the pants off when the poop falls out onto the floor just as I put my knee down and smear poop 5 inches across the floor. I was soooooo angry, that all I could say was I’m mad, I’m mad, I’m mad and it dawned on me I had little ears listening to me so I started saying what he says to me ” IM NOT HAPPY! ” So I cleaned up the the mess and then when to the sink to wash off my pants….ever try to wash of poop….water + poop makes POOPYWATER….(I was just basically rubbing poopy water into my leg.) When I got home it took me 4 washes to my leg with very fragrant soap to kill to poop smell from my skin.

I exited the bathroom with what my husband said RED VEINS in the white of my eyes. I was sooooooo ANGRY!! I tried to go back to sing and I just handed my microphone off and went to sit down in my embarrassment and anger. My Pastor came over and asked me if I was ok. I said a short but straightforward tale of events and proceeded to I cant do this right now. ( I just wanted to run out and go home) Gently he said “I think you should get back up there and praise” —I do believe at that moment he was the only person who could cut my anger. The issue of focus and attention moved in my mind to “will I listen to the man God put over me or not?” I got up and praised !!

Distracting myself ( getting my eyes off me and on GOD) was very helpful.

Back to DOES ANYONE GET IT?? So often I feel all ALONE in my circumstances and personality quirks. I know its not just happening to me. I am sure there are many other women who have been there…probably at one time or another she has been overwhelmed by poop. :0)

Psalm 20:7 Some trust in chariots (our own strengths) and some in horses (our ways of doing ) but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.

I dont want to do it all in my own strength and my ways…..I choose to trust in the name of the Lord.

MY SALVATION
MY HEALER
MY HELP IN TIME OF TROUBLE

Thank you God that in those times that I am a mess and full of stress I can run to you and you will hold me and tell me you love me and let me know everything will be alright. Thank you that praising you releases my fears and doubts and brings truth into the forefront of my eyes: That I am loved and you care about all the little things that go on in my life.

Thank for listening
Starla