Thinking out Loud again…

disclaimer: whatever thoughts come and flow will be … :0) ok…Im just thinking out loud!! Click to see Friendships of Love’s post today. Then this might make more sense. ..LOL

-Days of Deepening Friendship by Vinita Hamptom Wright :


In the beginning of marriage, infatuation takes you quite a way, and you are sure that what you’re experiencing is fully love. The years show you otherwise; you learn love layer by layer, wound by wound, gift by gift, and revelation by revelation. After years of living with this person, you wake up one day and realize how faulty and frail and self-serving your love truly is. You discover so many falsehoods in yourself that have remained, magically, hidden from yourself.

After a few years of marriage, love no longer connected my husband and me at the surface of life; it submerged us in periods of darkness and confusion out of which we had to feel and fight our way….

The harshest conflicts lose their power when the friendship grabs hold. 

Thoughts that stemmed from this passage are:

I have been marriage 10 years. I can tell you that when that honeymoon season is over it is rough. You have only the reality of the person you married to deal with. You either buckle and give up or you trudge through it. All the shiny “prince charming” thoughts are faded. The reality of who he really is takes hold. LIFE settles and you wonder to yourself in the smallest of moments —WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO!!??  (there is the beginning of  faulty and frail and self-serving thinking)

Getting through it requires you to take a look at what did you think you were getting yourself into?….somehow girls (ME) grow up with fairytale expectations and when I found out they weren’t real, I was shocked. How that happened I don’t know?? I grew up in NON-FAIRYTALE land. It wasnt Ken and Barbie life in my house growing up. Yet I fully expected that I – ME – STARLA  ( **Tada**)  would have that Snow White, Cinderella, Little Mermaid life.

NOPE not so….

Living your life with another person is not easy. Co-operation and Compromise of two lives is indeed in need!!

There is also this…give yourself away kind of thinking too. Sacrifice all of who and what you are so everyone else can be comfortable and you become a doormat. Now I don’t mean that we aren’t suppose to give to our families or husbands. I am talking about when we lose who we are. When we suppress the truth that lives within us. When we stop truly living and we just walk like zombies on the earth. CLEAN *beep* CART TO SCHOOL *beep* LAUNDRY *beep*  MAKE DINNER….beep beep beep any one else hear –ROBOT!! This going though the motions living is NO LIFE. It is floating on the top of existence. It’s when you just clean the floor and in comes the family to track mud through the house. Some think “ohhhh the blessing of the footprints of my family” uh noooo – I think DISRESPECTFUL! I just worked to clean that and well well…the motto I am trying to teach at my house is –IF YOU MAKE MESS YOU CLEAN IT UP!! :0) Anyone else think that way??

Moms and Wives in the quietness of their minds are thinking –WHY DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE??? Could it be that is because you do it and say nothing??? So you fume on the inside ( I know I still do that –working on it!! Pray for me)

ok didn’t expect rant but rant is what I got….

this line I think is the key: 

The harshest conflicts lose their power when the friendship grabs hold. 

Friendship with your spouse….would you go to your Bff’s house and leave a huge mess for her to clean up or would you pick up after yourself, help clean up the after dinner dishes…I do at my Bff’s house.  Do men do that??? IDK!

So that makes me think if FRIENDSHIP is in your marriage you will BE FRIENDLY to ONE ANOTHER. Giving to each other, caring for each other. Not putting unneccessary stress on eachother….LIKE TAKE OFF YOUR MUDDY BOOTS!!! Right???

Ok…back to me and self serving expectations…lol  YES MY HUSBAND is notorious for footprints. He’s not a bad guy. I promise. The point I am trying to make is there has to be balance and friendship. Co-Friendship with your spouse and with yourself.

Dont be a doormat and don’t be a tyrant!!! RIGHT!! :0) Be a FRIEND!

ok..hope my thinking out loud wasnt too allll over the place with no cohesive thought

Next Thurs. Thoughts from this book :


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Nice! I’m glad we skipped the honeymoon stage. I see that was a good thing! Co-Friendship: amen!


Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s