Little thoughts and lessons

I broke into prayer and praising on the drive out. We are gathering for IMU day. I have no idea why we call it that. I haven’t asked. I just know that is what my late mother-in-law called it, so that’s what it is called.

I was marveling at the corn and the view as I was driving, and suddenly I began to thank God for the freedom and lack of restraint that has been on me. Not because I can do whatever I want, but because what I want is to walk according to His laws and in the Spirit. I have such freedom because the narrow path satisfies me. After this prayer and praise moment, my thoughts drifted into this picture of when people are asking for something or have to tell something difficult and they often “himhaw” (how I say it); it’s actually hem and haw.

Hem and haw or to stammer about, hesitate, and be slow to get to the point.

Why do they do this? Because fear will keep you from walking in a straight path with your mouth and your life. Fear brings torment, and when you are fearful, you have a tendency to run this way and that, to try and say things while not saying them, instead of straightforward honesty. If you’re talking to someone and it feels like they’re running you around a tree all the time, and you’re not sure what they’re trying to get at, reassure their hearts that they can say what they’re trying to say to you, honestly and straightforwardly. Let them know you are listening and want to hear what they have to say. Tell them that they do not have to fear or worry about what they’re saying, because you love them. After all, love casts out all fear.

There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears is not complete in love.

1 John 4:18

IMU day

So what is IMU day? It is a day our family gathers in the beginning of August when the sweet corn is at the stands on the side of the road, the melons are ready and ripe (sadly, no melons were to be found), and we roast a pig on the spit.

This year, my brother-in-law built a new cover for the spit. My husband and his dad worked the fire and the roasting. My sister-in-law organized the fixings, my daughter made the pineapple salsa, and others brought pieces and parts to make it all a success.

My husband got the pig from an Amish man named Noah.

We did pork tacos and had fixin’ and hung out. It was a good day! It’s awesome and wonderful to gather as a family and enjoy each other’s company.

Those little girls love that grandpa gets sweet corn; they probably ate 4 ears lol

Little praises

• A cardinal came and sat on Larry the tree out front. I have named them. From Left to Right – 1 Hamlet, 2 Larry, 3 Curly, and 4 Mo. That cardinal sang and sang her song. It really is the little things that amuse and make us smile, bringing joy.
• I made dinner, and this tiny heart inside an onion caught my eye.
• My mom said that when I didn’t go the way of the alcoholics all over her family history, I changed the trajectory of our family lineage.

Little God Notes

Have you not seen what God is doing?! He speaks and does not leave you alone. He is a light in the dark that enlightens your darkness. All darkness flees away from Him. He restores you, reinstates you, returns you, and anoints you. Prepare....It's coming - the shift is happening. You are going from here to there. 

Something I am learning

Being a parent to a young adult, not 16. I’m talking 18. Legally able to do what they want to. To have freedom. How are you handling that? Most of the time for me, not well. I am learning. But darn it, if it is hard.

I spent the last 17 years reminding, explaining, directing, and telling what to do and what not to do, and suddenly that has become not the way we are going to be interacting. It’s very hard to change a mind pathway that was built for 17 years, and now that is not the way. I’ve learned he doesn’t want to be told what to do. He wants to be cared about more and trusted to make the choice himself.

I had a writing prompt today that said: Words can be sharp weapons or healing medicine. Reflect on the tone and power of the words you spoke or wrote this past week. Here is what I wrote:

The one I have the harshest words and tone with has been my son. I am actively overcoming this by following what the Lord has said. The first words in my mind when he doesn’t do what I think he is supposed to are critical and sharp but the Lord says, “I knows what he is doing” and He asked me to let Him lead him. He asked me, “Do you trust me?” Yes, Lord I trust you! I trust you. I trust you.

So I’ve been slowing down this year and not responding with questioning interrogation and critical, suspicious, emotional outrage. Toward the end of school I was highly frustrated, worried, and full of anxiety. I’ve been letting myself feel the feelings and as I move to action, I have been listening for the Lord for how to proceed.

As I’ve rereading some texts. I notice he doesn’t ever really answer my questions but also I know that when we are together he tells me so much. As I’ve walked with this boy, when my mouth is like a sharp weapon, I push him away but when I speak truth with love and freedom, the more willing he is to be open and honest.

What I find most interesting about this writing prompt is that later the same day the Lord led me to pray and praise Him for the freedom I have in Him. My husband is a very autonomous person, and so am I. When I am away, he rarely calls me. When he is out and about. I rarely call him. We drive separately, leave when we want to, and trust each other to make good decisions. Why would I be so silly to think that my son, who has grown up in this house, wouldn’t want to make his own decisions and not allow his mommy or his daddy to dictate them at all times? lol Sometimes the way God gets things through my head and into my heart amazes me. Besides, to do this is to violate the rights of another, and it is sin.

The Royal Law and Violation of it

 Indeed, if you fulfill the royal law prescribed in the Scripture, Love your neighbor as yourself, you are doing well. ⁹ If, however, you show favoritism, you commit sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.

James 2:8-9

My son is my neighbor. A neighbor isn’t just someone who lives next door. It is someone made in the image of God. To love your neighbor then means:

• Respecting another person’s autonomy, free will, and personal boundaries.
• Not controlling another person’s actions by show partiality.

Partiality is two definitions:

1. to treat people based on self-interest,
2. and also viewing some as superior and others inferior.

As an adult child, he is an equal image bearer. He is still living at home, and there are rules and boundaries for our home. Which he does follow … mostly. Treating him as a subordinate is a double standard. Wouldn’t I then be claiming authority over his life that I would never allow anyone other than God to have?

He is far more independent than most kids.

Children are to obey their parents. Right? Yes, while they are young, and then they are to honor, meaning have respect, care, and courtesy, but that doesn’t mean parents have the right to ask them to give up moral agency or to rule their decisions or conscience. If I do. I sin. How?

• Usurping God’s role to lead him
• 1 Peter 5:2-3 says to never rule by compulsion or overbearing control.
• Ephesians says to fathers (parents) not to provoke your kids to anger through exasperating them
• All controlling tactics like guilt, manipulation, and demanding are a violation of the royal law of love.

There are no exceptions for family title. To use emotional coercion or demand inappropriate dominance is a sin. Period. Authority and obedience are child and parent dynamics, but when they grow up it needs to move to agreements and mutual respect, which are adult dynamics.

Distinguish “House Standards” from “Personal Choices”

First, assess which boundary was crossed:

• Property/Living Standards (Your Domain): Noise levels, financial contributions, chores, drugs/alcohol on the property, or disrespecting shared spaces. As the property owner, you have full moral and legal authority to set parameters for your space.
• Personal Lifestyle Choices (Their Domain): Who they date, their career path, how they spend their personal money, or their spiritual beliefs. While you can offer wisdom, attempting to police an adult child’s personal decisions creates power struggles that usually backfire.

Thanks for listening,

Starla