Wonderstruck is proving to be one heck of a ride into God’s wonder and love. Also proving to have exciting twists and turns into and through me. I am seeing sides of me that I thought for years I have known and been well acquainted with…until I am faced with actually seeing me through the eyes of a great and merciful God who loves me beyond my own understanding.
When we started this series courage had welled up in me to just be who I am. I am doing myself a favor and not putting a cap on my heart and a filter on my mouth. (not that I’m disrespectful) I have long had tendencies to worry way to much about what I think others will think of my thoughts and feelings. I became increasingly thought entangled when I was asked to lead the class when our leader would be unavailable to be present. I determined that I would go to our weekly women’s meeting and just be open and see what happens. I even gave myself a pep talk…
you can do it, it will be ok, you have nothing to be ashamed of when you are being who you are!
As time has gone on, we entered into the conversation in chapter 2 of our book that presented the question: Do you have a tendency to focus on the why’s or on who?
There was a pause for thinking and I decided to go for it …so I said what I was thinking…
Why? I don’t need to know why! I know why! What, is what I want to know! What were you thinking? What is the point? What do I do now?
With each question that came up I found myself willing to speak …one time I thought I was talking to much, so I went quiet. At the end of the meeting I was flooded with some fear and worry. I had the impression in my heart and mind that I should be embarrassed for saying what I thought and felt. I remember telling myself “ I will not be embarrassed for sharing myself!”
Later when I was reading I was reminded of my words
….Why? I don’t need to know why! I know why! What is what I want to know! What were you thinking? What is the point? …….
God quickly revealed the truth to my heart
Why is a question only the heart knows… Why is motivational.
1 Sam 16:7b For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
I only think I know why when it comes to other people and myself for that matter! I found the reason I lie to myself and turn why into a what question, it is because I am afraid of not knowing and I have much anxiety. I want to know what to do about it.
Through this Wonderstruck book and DVD series we are doing I am learning to seek WHO when I have questions. The WHO, who knows, why? I am learning that when I question why and seek HIM even through my fear of unknowing, He is trustworthy to bring me to a peaceful place.
I don’t have to know why…
I don’t have to let the fears and worries of not knowing, or not being smart enough, or not having answers, consume me. I can simply go to the One who knows all the why’s and trust Him and find rest for my weary and questioning soul.
I also see that when I allow me to be who I am, speak what I am thinking and feeling…I find God meeting me there in that honesty to bring me to His reality and truth. For me I am determining that HIM meeting me there is the place I want to be … with HIM.
GROWING in Christ …is the best place to be!