a look back

starmiss Me at 18      IMG_20120831_180506 Me at 35

My so long ago self…

Emily asked if I would be friends with that girl?

I think I would

but she would try me more than I could bare

and I would probably step away from her a few time to breath

the patience to withstand her defenses would take much

years of learning and loving

Her melodramatics were off the chart

Her hair and face always in need of perfection

she could not even just BE without a tumult of fuss

over something or someone

always searching for acceptance and interest

it would become a life long battle

She didn’t know Jesus then

she didn’t know in whom she could believe

Always in search of the fabled OTHERS to make her complete

not realizing that those others are also looking for the same

and are broken souls longing too

in waiting for Jesus

I would worry and pray hard over that girl

she was so lost looking for love in all the wrong places

tripping over herself

and never seeing her damage done

use and abuse

reuse and refuse

a cycle of pain and torture

I would be her friend …

visualize her loving, gentle, forgiving

full of mercy

and steady



giving much

pouring out

yeah I would be her friend

after all I was all she had then


And when you realize how much you can’t change yourself, you can see others as broken beautiful ones as well who are just trying to make it through this hard life, and you just want to love them and nod your head at them and say, “I know, I know. And I love you just the same.” – Sarah Mae -guest post on A holy Experience

Linking with Emily:


4 Comments Add yours

  1. starla says:

    oh thank you!!! funny how a little enemy of guilt can topple in on top of you when you wonder why you cant handle it and have to step away to breathe…I needed that! :0)


  2. Thanks for writing, Starla, it was a good post for me to write too. I think something about finding compassion for my younger self frees me to love others (including my children!) when they reach that age too and, yes, loving can and often does include stepping away for a bit to breathe!


  3. starla says:

    THANKS! this was a very good post for me to write…as I have often been ashamed of that girl. Thank you for asking this of us to write. I needed to see this from the different angle. Needed to love the me of then.


  4. oh starla, wow… you were all she had. wow. this is powerful. thank you so much for sharing… i’m so glad you found Jesus. xo


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