The Lord always seems to bring me full circle. Just when I think I know what He is doing, I get lost and don’t know what is happening and then bam – there He is again – linking all my yesterdays to my today’s and making sense out of messes that I didn’t even know I was in.
In the beginning of the year, I always ask the Lord for a verse and direction for the next year. The Lord gave me a verse from 2 Sam 9:7 And David said to him, “Do not fear, for I will show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan, and I will restore you all the land of Saul your father, and you shall eat at my table always. This verse is the story of David restoring Mephibosheth to the Kings table. I remember thinking to myself, “Wow, it is going to be a great year!” I didn’t understand anything about what I was going to walk through.
I thought if I buckle up and walk in the “I will not fear!” that God would:
- show me kindness
- restore to me all the land, so that
- I could eat at His table always (do you see the subtle changes)
It sounded awesome, except for the part that I also heard Him say as I was praying through my verse and direction for the year. I heard Him say that I would learn through weeping…He wanted me to allow tears.
Ever since I was a little girl, I hated to cry because crying means something terrifying was happening or had happened. Crying meant; whatever it was that I was going through was out of my control. I did obey in the beginning and I began to allow moments when I felt tears well up to let them out. I was not scary but then one day somewhere around June 2021 I stopped wanting to feel them and I started holding them back again, holding on to the fear of letting them out.
Did you know that tears are healing to our souls?
Pastor Chad said on Sunday that God gives us what we need, not what we want. While he was speaking I wrote down a question. That question was, “Do you let go of hope and hold on to fear?” That was exactly what I had been doing. I was holding back the tears and holding on to fear. I started packing my heart and soul full of un-felt tears. Then in His kindness (that leads us to repentance – to turn to Him) He unpacked my soul closets (He intended to do what He set out to do and restore to me all the land within my soul) and let the weight of every sad un-felt tear into my living space. I cried and cried and cried. I had been trying to hold my life together without Him.
As I was getting ready for the day. I was pondering about this hope theme for Advent. The verse Hebrews 11:1 came to mind, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” We don’t have to fear the tears of our pain because we can be sure that He will wipe away every one of them. Isn’t that what hope is? The hope that He has come, is coming, and will continue to come into my daily, as my assurance that all things will be made new!
What if our eyes welling up with tears is like the door that allows Him to comfort us, even comfort other through the pain we too understand? What we won’t acknowledge – we can’t deal with! What we won’t live through – we can’t help others through. What if when we hold space for each other to cry, we usher in that new day, everyday in Christ! Hope dealers. It’s who we are!
Revelation 21:4-5 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” 5 And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.”
He is our promise of Hope! The one who sets the table and says, Come!”
All is grace,