Secret things…

I recently came across something I did over 11 years ago. As I picked it up and held it in my hands, I smiled as I thought about what a step of faith it was to make it. I barely told a soul what I had done. Much of my spiritual life then was a secret. I hadn’t learned to live out loud yet. I was still afraid of what I could sense God doing in my life. One journal entry from 11/17/2009 says:

Open doors are scary when you become the door that others peer into… the secrets….the cries that hide the fathoms of my mind. Into the deep…into the heart of things…. even myself…I tend to shy away from who I am inside.

Is it denial, or is it just sacred?

What did I come across? The book I wrote. As I thumbed through the book, I noticed all the lessons that I have walked through: from learning to be me, overcoming fear, getting over what other people think, getting out of the trap of my own thoughts, being careful of perceptions, learning how to talk to myself, changing my thinking, learning to say yes, watching out for people-pleasing, assumptions, dealing with relationships, being clear when I ask for what I want and need, dealing with guilt, conformity, dealing with that voice in my head, handling imperfections, loving self, and others, learning to stop hiding. It is quite the list from a small little book full of scripture, journal entries, my poetry, and so many grammar issues its not even funny Well its a little funny. There wasnt Grammerly back then. HA! But what struck me as I meandered through it was how these topics are all things of which I am very passionate.

Psalm 51:6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
    and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

That is why we are to live in the light as He is in the light. What happens if we do not share what we are, how we are growing, and what God is doing? Is it possible that we have a part to play in the lives of those around us? Is it possible that the stories we have to tell have a way of infiltrating the hearts of others? What if our story interacts with others’ imaginations and acts as a portal of connection people can see of what is possible, things that their senses can not understand? Things that only God can make sense of to their fearful and wandering hearts.

Perhaps the strangest moment was when my husband walked into the room as I was putting the book away. I said, “that is so crazy!” He said, “What is crazy?” I said, “That I wrote this book 11 years ago.” He looked at me and with a puzzled sound in his voice he said, “You wrote a book?!” It dawned on me that I never told him about it. I had simple published it on Amazon, received a copy, and put it on my bookshelf, and walked away. So why am I telling you this? You may be in a season where you are walking out what God is telling you and no one knows. Maybe you feel like a fraud. Maybe you feel like you aren’t being authentic. Maybe you need a little nudge from another who has walked the secret pathways with God too. Follow His voice. You will not regret it! I can now look back over the last 11 years and see how God worked all those lessons into my heart. Publishing the book wasn’t to be seen or to be considered an author. It was a hidden confirmation to me that He knows the desires of my heart and He can fulfill them in the quietest of ways.

If you have something in you that is dying to be created, made, written, or built…. DO IT! He is working things in secret that He will use later in your life to help others. We are His workmanship!

Thanks for Listening,

Starla

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

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