Apparently I still have to work hard at looking at the truth within and around me. I do know that it is not as long as a process as it use to be. Sometimes I think that certain people are way to close to me. They keep getting hurt by my blindness and irrationality, my stupidity and ego. Yet I love these people that get hurt. You ever just get so pumped by something that you want to fulfill it all now…and then you find that you are doing it in your own power and not the Lords. Thank God for His voice within to speak truth. Yet He lets you walk on in your silliness. Hindsight gives you the opportunity to see the clues that this was all about yourself….and yet they hid until hindsight is available. Then you make a fool of yourself. Have to cop to your foolishness. Have to face that you let another down. That you hurt them once again….and often fear that sorry is not gonna cut it. Fear that they will just write you off for once and for all for your folly. MAN!… testing and trials…God told me they were coming…i was warned..i was shown in my journal that it was that time…I even wrote “keep you feet out of it” I thought i knew what it was talking about and yet i ended up stepping right into it. I created it. I am the one to blame …and that just sucks….so YES…Personal stupidity is the worst!!!…and yet they are the moments we learn most from.