On Sunday 11/3/2024 we started new series called DRINKING POISON

This week’s topic and poison: OFFENDED

One of the things right out of the gate was discussed something called the code of reciprocity. Let’s define it.

DEFINITION:
The Code of Reciprocity is a social norm that requires people to respond favorably to each other by returning benefits for benefits.

The working definition given at church: The mutual exchange between two or more participants. It is a social norm in which one person gives something to one person and that person gives something back in return, either immediately or in the future.

This was related to The Golden Rule

Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.

Matthew 7:12

So, at face value, when you look at these two things, the code of reciprocity and the golden rule, they look very similar until you start to look at them deeply.

Some differences I want to note:

• One is a code – or a system for a rule. Contributed as a societal norm found all throughout history.
• The other is the essence of all that is taught in the law and prophets. It is found in Matt 7 toward the end of Jesus’s famous Sermon on the Mount. He spoke it.

It is not uncommon for society to take biblical value or law and turn it a bit, and use it for their own ways. If you look up online the phrase ‘rule of reciprocity’ you will find the golden rule right there with it and sometimes even in direct reference to what Jesus said, “do unto others as you would have them do to you”

But as my pastor said on Sunday, “Jesus rejected reciprocity.”

Jesus advocated for doing to others whatever you would like them to do to you. He did not say, “if someone gives to you, return the favor.” This got me thinking? Well, why not? Why didn’t he say it that way? Because when I read, If someone gives to you, return the favor.” I think, “what are they giving?” It has a ‘you reap what you sow’ connotations and also sounds a bit like Matt. 5:38 That says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ Which would be the negative use of this statement. To which Jesus directly said in verse 39, “But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.”

To me, Jesus’s response certainly sounds like a rejection of reciprocity. As if to say, don’t give people what they give you, like an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth. For instance, when people yell at you, don’t yell back. Rather give a soft answer which turns away wrath like Proverbs 15:1 says. It’s scripturally congruent.

Jesus asks us to take a totally different posture than reciprocating. He didn’t call us to simply give back to those who give to us, negatively or positively. He calls us to love, give, and do good no matter what… Even first!

Look again at what Jesus said, “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” This isn’t reciprocity. It’s intentional love. It causes us to think about others and do to them as we would want them to do to us. Then to give it – free and clear. It’s actually not about “the giving” though. It’s about the attitude that we do the giving in.

My pastor said, “Attitude preceded right action.” Hold that for a second.

In Luke 6:31 this essence of the Law and prophets is said another way. It says, “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.”

It’s almost like Jesus is giving us a “think before you act” clause because an eye for an eye is the wrong attitude to have. You are not given permission to be God and enact your own vengeance. And what happens if no one ever gives to you? Then what? Do you just never give to others because there is no one to reciprocate to or with? Also, again this is not the right attitude. The right attitude is to take a moment and think how God has dealt with you. He gave His Son for you. Saved you. Blessed you. Called you.

Ok, so now as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.

DO GOOD. BE KIND. HELP ONE ANOTHER

One more thing…

Why do you think Jesus said, “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” Instead of saying, “do unto others what they would like to have done to them” I’ve heard people say that it would have been better to say it this way because not everyone responds to the way YOU would want to be treated. Ha! Isn’t that interesting? But if we think about it. What if in our self-important way – instead of accepting the love we are given, even if it is not the way we would prefer, is humility and to be demanding for it to be the way that we receive love, is pride. WOW! What a thought.

Reciprocity breeds offense when we think people should be giving us what we have been giving them…. huh?

It reminds me of a way people used to do things way back in the day. Someone would bring you a gift. It was something they thought you would like, and they put time and effort into it, to give it to you. Back then, people would receive the gift and thank the person. Tjey accepted the love that was given. We didn’t turn our nose up to it or make a comment that it’s not what we like, acting rudely.

Why does this matter? Because it’s actually not about you! I remember reading a quote several years ago (can’t remember the man’s name – it was unique) Anyhow he said:

When you give to someone you are knitting your heart to them.

-man with unique name

They are choosing to love you! So, when Jesus says, “Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you.” Think: How would you like to be treated? How would you like to be spoken to? How would you like to be blessed? And go do that. Give to other’s what you would want. As you do, as we all do this, we knit our hearts to one another.

PS…. guess what? It’s hard to get offended by those knit to your own heart.

PSS… it’s never really about those people out there…huh? In God’s kingdom and in His lessons, it’s about what’s happening in your heart!

Thanks for Listening,

Starla