New blog post from earlier this week:

I was having a conversation with my daughter and heard myself say, “good hearts but bad manners.” I wrote it down in my journal and decided to write a ponder post on it.

Here’s the thing – if we just make people change – that is called behavior modification. We have to be careful that we don’t just want people to conform to our social norms. But rather ask God to do a work in them, because when God does the work in us, when we submit to the process, we transform.

Starla – good hearts and bad manners

Read it here:

https://sunday2monday.blog/2024/09/25/good-hearts-and-bad-manners/

You have been given righteousness and protecting it is holiness!

unknown preacher

Side convo in the office:

I was having a conversation with one of the ladies that come through the office, and we got on the topic of saying your best yes and saying no. She has a bit of an issue saying no because she really loves to help and who doesn’t love to help? But when it comes right down to it you have to be able to say no and say your best yes to things. We can’t do everything.

The scripture says to let your yes be yes and your no be no.

Matthew 5:37 But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

But in my mind asked, “why?” And a verse popped in my mind:

⁶ But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. ⁷ So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver. ⁸ And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work.

2 Corinthians 9:6-8

Giving and receiving. Giving your best yes or choosing no. It is an important part of our growth and learning. Most of the time this verse is used in the context of money. But what if it was giving time, attention, or help? So, then we would “give as we have purposed in our hearts to give.” That means, when we decide to give from a heart willing to give it, we are to do it – not begrudgingly or of necessity. Let’s just define those:

Begrudging: reluctantly or resentfully

Necessity:  being required to, pressure of circumstance

This is the kind of “giving” if we can even call it that where we think we can’t say no, or we are being forced. We don’t want to! Wow! How often are we saying yes when we don’t want to? Because it’s not the other side’s fault you don’t know how to be clear and say your best yes or caving in when you really don’t have the time, or you just don’t want to. And how much of our saying yes is caught up in our fear of what other’s people will think if we don’t? And what is the outcome of that?

Well to me, this verse, tells us. God is able to make all grace abound toward you – when we give cheerfully because we want to give it (whether it be our money, time, attention, or help) He makes all grace abound toward us and all sufficiency in all things. So, for this good work, these yes’s that are really yes’s – His grace abounds. So that begs the question, what if we do it reluctantly and begrudgingly? Have we just removed ourselves out from under the umbrella called “blessing of grace” in the giving by doing it with a wrong heart??WOW!!

That is really something to think about! Besides, as my pastor says, “clarity really is kindness.”

Interesting thing I found:

It is a reflection paper in my desk. I was listening to a “here’s how we manage our time” YouTube video. Ya… I am that kind of person. Anywhoooo! I found this sheet of answers to reflection questions i did a good while back. Maybe you want to answer them…

What have you overcome?

• Stinginess.
• Fear of expressing my emotions.

What did you learn the hard way?

• Take the photos no matter what the area or you look like – when you are gone, your family will want them.
• Not speaking creates more distance (fear that expressing my emotions will make it worse)

In what ways have you offered compassion to someone in distress?

• giving in secret
• listening longer
• engaging more with a few women in discipleship

In what way have you called people higher in their walk with Christ and what did you learn?

• I offered a study called progress to perfection – I learned we all have an unhealthy relationship with the word perfect.
• I offered another one called Foundations of Faith – I learned many (even me) are not solid on our foundations. The study helped a lot.

What opportunities did you jump into to help others?

• Encouraging to not quit
• $ for a special party
• Helping to get some end-of-life things in order

What would you have done differently?

• I wouldn’t have wasted my time trying to convince others that someone had potential when that person was so bent on just being right that they couldn’t hear from those around them.

I was listening to a YouTube video and this girl said something that stuck. She said, “When you hear your mind or coming out of your mouth judgment statements about people, cause it’s going to happen, stop and name how you are feeling about what is happening. This slows you down from jumping to a judgement conclusion and instead grounds you in how you are feeling.”

This is genius! Especially for those of us that have a hard time naming feelings and often come off critical or judgmental because we are reacting instead of responding to the moment. Doing this allows me to share what’s really going on instead of deflecting uncomfortable “feeling” by just pronouncing judgments like I am God or something.

Thanks for Listening,

Starla