God works in mysterious ways:

Let me tell you how things have changed lately. My husband said I came home from my trip a different person. Good different. I feel like I took something to Mississippi and dropped it off. Before I went on this trip with my mom, I had been in the process of shifting as the Lord was leading.

Let me back up. One of the things I noticed the most about myself a few months ago was that I felt grumpy, I had this attitude that popped up, and when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t like the look on my face. Disappointed. Dissatisfied. Done. So, I started talking to the Lord about this look on my face. He started talking about my mouth and this attitude that was popping up. He gave me a verse to meditate on.

Let no unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building up the one in need and bringing grace to those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

Let me back up some more, at the beginning of the year the Lord said 3 words: Art, Poetry, Prepare.

I am still chewing on those. I started drawing to lean into art. I’ve written a few poetry pieces. And well, prepare. It is either pre-pair or prepare and either way I am still waiting on that. But what He said next was, “On the dumpster-fire days, look for the grace, and do the hard thing.” One of the dumpster fire days was a day where this attitude came out all on Pastor Chad. He off course was gracious and told me we were gonna hug this out. lol I however walked away determined to figure out what my problem was. It disturbed me.

Anyway, so back to this verse. I sought the Lord about this look, and after He revealed this attitude in a public display during a staff meeting. In my mortification about what just happened, and self -reflection that Lord gave that verse (above).

Can I just say the way you speak; it is incredibly powerful. It is true that the power of life and death are in the tongue. (Proverbs 18:21) Your tongue! Not just what others speak toward you or over you. But how you speak to you. Matters! ALOT! So, I did a few things:

1. I slowed way down in speaking – using the lips gate (shut them) to hold that tongue in place.
2. I spoke this verse every time I heard my mouth begin to speak negativity, cynicism, or any of this attitude.
3. I began listening more to what the internal dialog with myself was saying.

After doing those 3 things, I watched and waited. I noticed that look on my face when I looked in the mirror and I stopped, close my eyes and took a deep breathe. I would say (change the way I spoke to me) to myself, “Who’s daughter are you? I am my Father in heavens daughter. Ok now look at yourself like He looks at you with love.” I would open my eyes and I saw differently. Let me tell you – with what perspective you are looking matters? It matters a lot. I began to repent over my attitude, my mouth, my viewpoints.

All this was over a couple months of time.

Ok, now I curbed this attitude, my mouth, and the viewpoints and I went on this trip with my mom. Now, here is the kicker. You can stop something through repentance and discipline but then what? Next is right action and forward movement for growth. God always has a stopping and a turning and going a new way for us. Only doing part of the process will keep us in the same place. Will He get us there, yes, but I believe that if you are awake to what God is doing and partnering with what He is doing, you will get there a lot quicker than if you blindly walk into it, tripping all over ourselves until a painful revealing. (much like all the nudges the Lord gave me about that attitude that exploded in a staff meeting bleh!)

I went with my mom and for 9 days, all my old patterns and habits where displaced with hotel and travel life. All the “How I did things? When I did things? Good, bad, and ugly. All habits ceased.” I didn’t make myself do anything. I just went to just be (like the theme at our recent ladies’ retreat) I didn’t force myself to be all spiritual. I just went to be with my mom, present with her. Here is where it gets interesting to me. I began to hear my heart say in the quiet moments to the Lord, “I need a hard reset. The way things have been can not be anymore.”

• Not the way I’ve been with my husband
• Not the way I’ve been with my son
• Not the way I’ve been caring for my body
• Not the way we’ve been eating
• Not the way our routines have been
• Not the time I spend on my phone

NONE OF IT. It’s got to change. Lord help.

Then for 9 days I had my phone in my hand being the GPS and finder of things, cataloging, posting, sharing, chronicling our trip. I loved it. The process of finding and discovering is my jam! But when I got home. I didn’t want that thing in my hand. At all. Saturday morning came and I told my hubby all about it, and he agreed something had to change. So, I made a menu for the week, and I prepped the self-care things I would do. I set up a daily house system and we started working the system.

• We’ve been talking
• We’ve been laughing
• He’s been getting things done around the house
• My son is smiling and hanging out with us
• I don’t feel crazy in my mind
• I don’t feel depleted of life

GOD KNOWS HOW TO HELP US IF WE ARE WILLING TO LISTEN AND FOLLOW HIM.

I went to work on Tuesday, and it was a mad house in my soul. How have I been working the system the way that it is. Now that my home is in order, and peaceful. This way I’ve been tasking at work feels like a rat’s nest. So, I prayed again and asked the Lord for help. He gave me some little shifts to do. And it has been peaceful as I’ve worked through things.

I wrote a post that this quote (above) came from in 2018 – You can see that post here: https://sunday2monday.blog/2018/02/14/watering-hole-little-shifts-make-big-changes-3-reasons-why-people-dont-like-change-and-how-habits-can-help-you/

Maybe you’ve been sensing the need for change. Lean it. God has good things in store!

Thanks for listening,

Starla