Thoughts about the new series at church called Winning the War with your Mind:

A friend said that if feels as if – her included – are just trying to hold it together. That is exactly what it feels like. What I love about the message on Monday April 7th at church is how Pastor Chad and Pastor Lindsay opened a space of grace to say what is real. They do this all the time in the small spaces. When they first got here, and we sat around a new conference table. It became the table of truth. So many real things have been spoken around that table. So many tears, the messy and the hard have been uttered there.

We are all struggling somewhere but we are busy trying to look like we’ve got the corner market on “all good.” Because strong Christians aren’t supposed to struggle, right? Wrong! As that same friend said once in a ladies gathering, “God doesn’t need your strength.” She is right. We need His. When we are weak, He is strong. But most of us are compartmentalizing. I know I am. And not that “compartmentalizing” is necessarily a bad thing because let’s face it – we still have to function life. The issue isn’t the use of tools to keep moving. The issue is ignoring the pain, the hurt, the anger, the sadness and not being honest with what you are struggling with. I was so proud of the people who let it be known yesterday. Acknowledging and sharing are the first steps toward healing. As Lindsay said, yesterday, that she is convinced that we heal together because she has experienced it. And when we are actively working to heal – we grow – and growing people change.

I am working on being more aware of my feelings and body:

Alot of people online had a lot to say about the eclipse. Some prophesied the end of the world and others fearmongered. What I noticed was I had a lot of pent-up stress on Monday, and I felt as if I was riding an emotional rollercoaster. In some ways I felt like the world was crashing in on me. My internal landscape felt shifty and unstable. My mind had been overcome with a frustrating situation. So, I had coffee with a friend. I had a conversation with my daughter. I went to the chiropractor. I grabbed some lunch. I meandered around a bookstore. I did the things that help. Then I saw this quote:

If the world is torn to pieces,
I want to see what story I can find in the fragmentation.

– Terry Tempest Williams

This little light of clarity fell upon my eyes just as a few people ran out to look at the eclipse. I left and went to pick up my son at my daughter’s house. We watched the eclipse. I love this picture of my children – grown and almost grown. lol

Life didn’t end. All those “prophetic” people are now false prophets, and I sensed a shift for me that I have felt coming for over a year. A season of transition. Not to a new position. Not to a new ministry. But a leveling up in spirit. Character Sifting.

Something profound that struck me this week:

Sometimes we major on the “what’s missing?” and in doing so we often miss the “what is.” I had a conversation with dear hubby this week. I said, “I often want what I want but I might need to find what remains instead.” He looked at me like – “I have no idea what you are saying woman.” lol

I tried to explain it’s like, instead of being upset that it isn’t what I thought it would be, I can see what remains. I can find the “what is.” And be grateful. Be full. Right there, with what is.

A reframe I learned this week:

When your mind is spinning with WHY, WHY, WHY?? Reframe it. When your “Heart Hurt” is asking a lot of why questions the logic part of your brain is trying to support your use of why to help you fix or find a solution. But sometimes we get stuck because some why questions don’t have answers or we can’t control the outcome. So, in those moments when you hear yourself crying, “Why, why, why?” return to your heart to express it. It sounds like this:

Why did my mom die? —-> I don’t like that my mom died. You know that already. But to reframe it helps your heart process grief.

Why does he talk like that? —-> I don’t like that he talks like that. You drop out of judgment and feel what you like and what you don’t like. Now you can make a choice. Tell him or leave the situation.

So much has happened this week – I barely said a thing.

Thanks for listening,

Starla