For weeks, I had been feeling a bit down, missing the sun, needing connection, and sorting out my heart. It’s amazing what happens when God speaks about where you are and points out places that need attention. Like… how did I not know I was here…

It is his grace to expose our darkness in the right time.

We all walk through junk every day and sometimes that junk gets stuck in our souls, and we need God’s help to remove it. Mostly because we don’t even know it is there, but we feel the effects.

To be honest, bitterness can look like protection. It’s not.

Bitterness is bitter. It means to have a harsh taste, sharp, cutting; angry, full of animosity; even cruelty. It blinds and causes us to not be able to see. It is the effect of what happens when we think we know better than God. Whether that is intentional or unconscious matters not. So, we protect rather than forgive. It mars the face and breeds an irritable spirit.

I have been walking through this 21-day fasting and prayer challenge with my church. But I also started reading a chapter a day in the Geneva Bible. I love how God knows how to get your attention. I encourage you to follow Him. Whatever He highlights, pull on that string.

One of the questions from the fast that stuck out to me was:

1. Where am I taking deliverance and protection into my own hands?

With such a pointed question, I always look up words, whether I think I know them or not. It helps me not to assume I know anything. And sometimes on my quest for understanding, I find new knowledge.

Deliverance – The act of setting free

I thought of all the swirling thoughts that I have had about being free…

Protection – shelter, defense, shield from harm, to take cover.

I noticed places in my life where I sensed myself just trying to survive or just enduring.

As I prayed, I heard my soul say about those places, “I think I am not loved here.”

So, then I asked myself some other questions:

1. What if I do not receive the love that is given?
2. What if I can’t see?
3. What if I, like the pharisees, can’t see because I am holding my own rules?

⁷ You hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy of you, when he said:

⁸ “‘This people honors me with their lips,
    but their heart is far from me;
⁹ in vain do they worship me,
    teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’”

¹⁰ And he called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: ¹¹ it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.” ¹² Then the disciples came and said to him, “Do you know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?” ¹³ He answered, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be rooted up. ¹⁴ Let them alone; they are blind guides. And if the blind lead the blind, both will fall into a pit.” ¹⁵ But Peter said to him, “Explain the parable to us.” ¹⁶ And he said, “Are you also still without understanding? ¹⁷ Do you not see that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is expelled?^[d] 18 But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. ¹⁹ For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. ²⁰ These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone.”

Matthew 15:7-20

Again, more questions:

1. What if I am fighting the wrong battle?
2. What if I am a blind woman?
3. Am I living in “JUST ENDURE THIS” - thinking it will pass?

Hold it all in

Hold it stiff – unmoving

Like when a child – covered eyes meant – you can’t see me

That is the holding like this

its also like stuck – no movement

almost as if it isn’t but it is …

And it is aching now – it wont be held much longer… unforgiveness!

that root grows deep – its heavy and breaks everything that tries to hold it.

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More Questions:

1. How do you find a root that’s made you blind? Father, where is the root?

Every tree that brings forth bad fruit is a bad tree.
Every plant not planted by the Father is uprooted.

Matthew 15:13 paraphrase and self expounded

I pray simply and ask: LORD UPROOT ME! and here is what He showed me

 Pursue peace with everyone, and holiness—without it no one will see the Lord. ¹⁵ Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many.

Hebrews 12:14-15 CSB

Bitterness is a root that brings forth a fruit that could be anger, grudges, unforgiveness. It breeds death. It is poison.

Be sure there is no man, woman, clan, or tribe among you today whose heart turns away from the Lord our God to go and worship the gods of those nations. Be sure there is no root among you bearing poisonous and bitter fruit.

Deuteronomy 29:18

¹⁹ When someone hears the words of this oath, he may consider himself exempt, thinking, ‘I will have peace even though I follow my own stubborn heart.’ This will lead to the destruction of the well-watered land as well as the dry land.

Deuteronomy 29:18

…do you see that…. I will have peace even though I follow my own stubborn heart...

That is presumption – it is the thought of assuming that I am safe because I do this or I do that. It is to treat God and His grace lightly. See, bitterness is a sleeper sin. It burrows down deep and travels in packs.

³¹ Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice.

Ephesians 4:31

Bitterness leads to wrathful anger, then with a shouting demanding clamor to get what you think you want or need, then slander talks bad about the object of frustration looking for justification for the feelings we are having and finally it ends with malice – a desire to cause harm or death to the person or relationship.

All along the way of bitterness people are hurt, relationships are derailed, joy is stolen, and the fruit of the spirit is stunted.

How do we know we are in bitterness? 4 things:

• Spinning – we can’t stop thinking over and over, rehashing the words, the hurts, the tones, the attitudes.
• Mouth issues – Our mouths are full of cursing and bitter words (Romans 3:14) We are critical, snappy, rude, and we are wearing a disgruntled face. For out of the heart the mouth speaks!
• Sickness – The bile and bitter substance we keep drinking is making us sick (Acts 8:22) Our posture and our expressions wear the look of death lurking on us. Our cells are wilting under the weight of bitterness.
• Bitter Bunch – Its spreading because we are infecting others with it. Our marriages, children, friends, church, and community. Are they all starting to sound like a complaintive, frustrated mess?

We have to watch out for this stuff. Through repentance and prayer I asked for forgiveness and asked for the joy of my salvation to be restored to me.

Let’s look again in another version:

¹⁵ See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;

Hebrews 12:15 ESV

…. obtain the grace… THAT NO ROOT OF BITTERNESS springs up…

Bitterness keeps us apart from grace. It is a foe that we find along the road as we go. It robs us of joy. It makes us critical and irritable. It drives a wedge between us and who ever is the object of our frustration. We tend to water and feed it but can’t see that it is poisoning us.

How do we deal with it?

1. No Bitterness Allowed – Refuse to justify it through complaining or delegating restoration to others.
2. Fast and Pray – Ask the Lord to reveal what is wrong and to yank that root out!
3. Believe the gospel – We may be pastors, teachers, Christians, or whatever – We need Jesus.

Anything is a blessing that makes us pray.

Charles Spurgeon

….. a little more digging….

Presumptuous: Arrogant, over-weening, going beyond limits.

Presume: to take upon oneself, to take liberty, to take for granted, to assume.

To presume is to take for truth – What it seems to be and to jump to conclusions.

⁴ Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? ⁵ But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed.

Romand 2:4-5

On my how we store up wrath for ourselves…

We don’t want to take this root with us to the bitter end.

It’s time to heal.

Thanks for listening,

Starla