This blog was sparked from a thought that I had about the two locations in the title of this blog and a conversation that I had with my friend Jeniffer, who stopped by this morning, for a cup of coffee.

First the Pig Pen:

Years and years ago, I worked for a man who once said to me, “Dont you know that if you get into a pig pen with a pig, you will get dirty?” He would call me to his office or the break room table to have “conversations” that often felt like a combination of dissection, deconstruction, and playing chess. He was an intelligent and shifty man. I would learn after a year of being on the job, that I didn’t trust him. He walked with an air of confidance that seemed to belittled those in his presence, and at times, he was even unkind to the waitresses and other service people. Mind you, this wasn’t overt or in my face, but a pattern of unlikability began to develop as I got to know him. I was a young Christian, about 3 yrs old in the faith. I was a girl who didn’t like feeling that someone was trying to put me in my place or treat me with disrespect. Back then, I didnt have the handle on my tongue that I do now. So, my first response to this question was, “Are you calling yourself a pig?” with as much eye daggering expression as you can imagine. I wasnt trying to be playful. I didnt know what it was to be timid. I just punched back with my mouth, hard, when I didnt like something. In this situation, I think this actually saved me from ending up in not great situation. What I didnt know at the time was he was trying to recruit me to the local masonic lodge to join the womens eastern star branch. My spirit did not like what was happening. So I fought through it, until one day the Lord plainly spoke to me, saying that I could leave. So I did, abruptly. 

That’s the story of where the pig pen statement comes from, but I tell you what, I’ve never forgotten it. That statement, is a perfect expression for those of us who have been and maybe still do like to argue for the sake of arguing. When we do this – we may not even realize we are doing it. This way of speaking uses whatever truth or evidence we have, what ever knowledge or understanding we’ve gained, even what we know about our opponent to make a point. We will use whatever we have against the other person. A pig pen fighter doesn’t fight fair. 

There are many of us that are intellectual, street smart, observationally acute, and linguistically astute. Yet, in our pride, we would say that we are able to run circles around others. We have the ability to put two and two together and jockey for what we find to be the best argumentative position. We probably would have been on debate teams or ended up in criminal justice as lawyers. But for whatever reason, our triggers and trauma caused us to become so very hyper-vigilant that we couldn’t allow being treated as less than. Ever! Then couple that with the craving we have for the space of “winner of argument,” and we just couldnt allow that. We were too busy fighting in the pig pen instead of fighting for our future.

It took me a long time to realize that what this man I worked for was saying. He was actually saying, “Starla, you are acting like a pig.” See, if you get in the pig pen, you are a pig and anyone else who gets in there with you, is one too.

If you’re looking for a fight, you are going to get one.

Jeniffer Burch

The pig pen is the place you slog it out and anything goes. Pigs like pig pens and mud to get dirty in. Many times, I’ve seen social media become one big, dirty, pig pen. You decide if you’ve been a pig, fighting for the scraps, while rolling around in the mud. No one comes out clean in the pig pen fight. Even the farmer gets a little junk on his pants when he throws in the slop. Ever been there?

Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling.

Proverbs 20:3

Now the other – Green Pastures:

The picture of green pastures and quiet water is such a beautiful scene. Its the place where the shepherd leads the sheep with his rod and his staff. I was at a womens conference once where a lady spoke over me and said, “The Father says, ‘the rod and staff are not to harm you but to comfort you.'”

The Lord is my shepherd, I will not be in need.² He lets me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. ³ He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For the sake of His name. ⁴ Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. ⁵ You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. ⁶ Certainly goodness and faithfulness will follow me all the days of my life, And my dwelling will be in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

Why did she say that? Why did the Lord speak that to me? Because I may have learned over the years how to hold my tongue and not speak like that. I may have learned how to keep myself out of the pig pen, slogging it out for my life, but my inner heart sometimes reacts to correction as if is to harm me. I grew up with a harsh toned and heavy-handed father figure. So, the way people talk to me, to each other, affects me deeply. Where I use to go toe to toe with anyone on the verbal stage, I now hold back, process, and pray that God will help me speak rightly in response. I don’t always get this right, but it is my heart to do so.

PSA: Before anyone jumps on this…just let me say:

I believe in free speech. You can say what you want to.

However, you are not free of the consequences of your words. If people dont like it. They dont like it. If you’ve offended them and they stop listening and walk away. You don’t get to rail at them that they must listen, or that they are ignorant, fools, or must be some reprobate or something. Your words produce something. They create something. Its free to be heard and its free not to be heard.

Some people think that how they say things just simply does matter. The truth is the truth. Right?But can I humbly submit this thought for your consideration: If what you are saying has a repellant added into it perhaps you would catch more flies if you spoke with honeycomb.

Not Syrup…. I said honeycomb.

To me syrup is when you speak with a flattering tone that resembles fakery.

But honeycomb… honeycomb is the good stuff.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 16:24

For the people of God, gracious words are sweet and healing. If that is your goal, practice speaking that way and do your best to stop making excuses for why people dont like what you have to say. See, the Shepherd who leads us in green pastures and quiet waters, cares for the sheep. Green pastures are a place of rest and security. Quiet waters are a place of washing, mending, and cleaning wounds. We represent that Shepherd.

I’ve heard people say and I’ve said it too, “How people respond to the truth is not my problem!”

But may I submit that how people respond may be a reflection on your ability to communicate the truth that you are presenting? Just ask yourself this: As you speak to people, do your words cause them to come and rest, to find help for their souls or do they cause them to jump into the pig pen?

It’s easy to say, “Im not responsible for how people take things?” and you know what that is true. But there is a place of humility that lies beyond that truth that is deeper and says, “but I will.”

This is the difference between punching people in the face with truth or giving the gift of freedom.

So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, ³² and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:31-32

My Mother in Law has said on many occasions to her son, my husband, when he is upset at people, “Just love them, they dont know what to do with it.” When our words are like honeycomb, its like love in peoples ears. They dont know what do with it but they now have the freedom to choose.

They can choose freely to shut you off or ask for more of it. That’s the power of non-violent communication. You have to decide for yourself if you love the punch that words can pack or if you will offer the love of THE SHEPHERD who can lead them into all truth, not the just the corner you carry by what you’ve learned and experienced.

But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

John 16:13

The pig pen or green pastures – its your choice.

Thanks for listening,

Starla