MAY

* Over observance and analyzing of self can lead to self – criticisms that is not healthy.

* Over observance of others can lead to unhealthy comparison.

If you read this blog you know that the point of this blog is to help others let go of fear and be who they are. I struggle with this myself. Too often…more often then I like to admit. Yet it is true. I am 32 and I am still self-conscious at times like a 15-year-old girl.

I fear being wrong. I like to be right. So often in conversations I keep my mouth shut even when I have something to share because of the thoughts in my mind that say “What if you are wrong?”…What if you “look” stupid?

I don’t like to “LOOK” like a bad, mean or unlearned person and so I say nothing and try hide me.  I even HIDE from myself. No one is fooled. I am who I am. We all speak clearly who we are through what we do, don’t do, say or don’t say, our facial expressions and body language …all these things speak volumes for us.

Even if I say nothing about being bothered and try to hide or ignore that I am bothered. I LOOK BOTHERED, it is all over me. I am NOT hiding anything. I just look PISSED OFF.

Then this strange thing happens…..

Basically…I just lie to me , telling myself that I am ok. When my body is vibrating NOOOO I AM NOT!!! I don’t like confrontation. So I do my best to ignore or just get through things that bother me. Then when I can’t hang on to my anger because I have been packing it for a while. I exploded like a volcano.

Then guess what happens….I “LOOK” MEAN!!! I Feel Bad and I behave unlearned because I know better…..but FEAR has me AGAIN!!

Just dealing with things as they come….as they are….is not easy.

It takes a willingness to bear with your self and others, forgive you and them quickly, be honest and open =VULNERABLE with yourself and others.

It is getting easier to be ME…

Sometimes I do what I wrote at the top first and I find my self in an emotional mess

Over observance and analyzing of self can lead to self – criticisms that is not healthy.

I have been learning to SEE ME in my life. How I act. What I do. What I say. What I react to…but doing this too much can lead to me being REALLY HARD on myself. NITPICKING my every move and thought and word…and succuming to the thoughts that I am not who or what I should be.

Seeing TRUTHFULLY is good…acceptance and willingness to grow is my goal.

Over observance of others can lead to unhealthy comparison.

SEEING OTHERS can really trip me up. Noticing how easy it seems for others to communicate. To be who they are….can turn into a feel that others  are better than, have it easier because of their personality or what ever ending in SELF PUT DOWNS .

Observation of others is for gleaning tools and learning lessons….contentment and thankfulness for who God made me is my Goal.

Join with me in this prayer…

FATHER, Thank you that you know what we need to grow. Help us Lord not to try to be better in our own eyes by hiding who we are. Help us Lord to not look on others as if they have it all and with eyes of envy, for we have no idea what it took in test and trial to get to who they are today. Help us to keep it balanced. Truth and Grace hand in hand. AMEN.